According to Moonalice legend, the tribe has always loved Charleston. But sometimes, despite its best efforts, the tribe has found itself in embarrassing situations. Back in April 1861, the local tribe was quietly planting a field of hemp near Ft. Sumter when the shooting starting. After a collective loss of intestinal fortitude . . . followed by an explosive excretion of organic matter . . . the tribe made a run for it. In the tribe, they call it The Battle of Who Runs. Thanks to the organic matter, that year's crop was especially bountiful.

According to Moonalice legend, the tribe around Charleston eventually recovered its poise and formed a brigade under the command of Col. Buford Thudpucker Moonalice. The brigade was undersized - the tribe in those days was shorter than it is now - so they were formed as a signal corps. Their specialty was smoke signals. Col. Thudpucker's brigade inhaled deeply and puffed away. Using a tribal form of Morse Code, they kept the Army informed of enemy movements for the entire War of Northern Aggression.

Just last week, we saw a report that the Moonalice 420 Signal Brigade is still active in these parts. The brigade is now under the command of the very tall, remarkably amphibious Michael Phelps Moonalice.